Core Quality: Inner Peace

What is Inner Peace? I found this definition on Wikipedia, it sums it up very well:

Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally and spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress. Being "at peace" is considered by many to be healthy (homeostasis) and the opposite of being stressed or anxious. Peace of mind is generally associated with bliss,happiness and contentment.

We can have moments of inner peace when life itself is quiet. The trick is to have inner peace when the world around us is noisy, bothersome, and intrusive. There is a part of our subconscious that knows exactly how to have inner peace at all times no matter what is going on around us.

As core quality we all have the means to reach inner peace. We have to listen to the part of our inner selves that knows how to achieve this state. As with the other core qualities I have already discussed, and the others that I have yet to write about, Integral Deep Listening allows those parts of our inner selves to impart their suggestions on what we should do. Even if we only reach inner peace a little at a time, that is a bit of peace that we didn't have before and can be built upon.

Core Quality: Acceptance

What is acceptance? This is how it is defined in Dictionary.com:

1. the act of taking or receiving something offered.

2. favorable reception; approval; favor.

3. the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.

4. the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.

As a core quality this is only the surface of what it means. Sometimes acceptance means acknowledging something that we don't necessarily agree with, it's a fact that we have to accept. We don't have to agree with it, like it, or even support it, we just have to accept it for what it is. I like to use the analogy of the rising of the sun. I am not a morning person and the sun always rises way to early for me, I don't like it yet I have to accept that it will rise in it's appointed time. I can't change it either.

Some believe that acceptance means that we agree with someone or something. That is not the case. To accept something means that we accept that it is there or that it is what someone believes to be true. We don't have to agree with someone just to accept their opinion on something. We don't even have to like what we are being asked to accept. We just have to accept it.

There are parts of our subconscious that understand what it means to accept what is around us and are willing to share their insights on how to be more accepting.

Core Quality: Wisdom

The next Core Quality to be examined is Wisdom. Knowledge and wisdom are not the same thing. We gain knowledge through school and through reading, we gain wisdom by experience.

The definition of wisdom as stated in Dictionary.com:

1. the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just 
   judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.

2.  scholarly knowledge or learning: the wisdom of the schools.

Wisdom as a core quality is more than what the dictionary tells us. It is a knowing, without being superior. As a core quality it sees and knows because of past experience. When we act and make decisions based on wisdom, these choices come from the heart and are based in truth.

When we are taught we gain knowledge. We gain knowledge from school, parents, and others around us. It is when we live life and gain experience that the knowledge that we have gained becomes wisdom. There are aspects of ourselves that are in our subconscious that have a great deal of wisdom. When we converse with them we gain their wisdom as well.

Core Quality: Compassion

In this post I will go over the core quality compassion. What does compassion mean? Who are we to have compassion for?

From Dictionay.com:

a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

This is a place to start. For it to be a core quality compassion should be shown not only to those who are suffering yet also to ourselves. Not just in times of sadness, also any time that we interact with anyone for any reason. We can feel compassion towards everyone without having to interact as well. We especially need to remember to have compassion for ourselves.

It is compassion towards ourselves that we have the hardest time doing. Yet this is exactly what we need to do. When we are able to show compassion to ourselves we are better able to show compassion to others. There are parts of us that know exactly how to be compassionate. It is with Integral Deep Listening that we can connect with that part of ourselves and hear what we need to know on being compassionate.

Core Quality:Confidence

The first of the core qualities I am going to discuss is confidence. Just what is confidence? Dictionary.com defines it as:

1. full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed.
2. belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence;self-reliance; assurance: His lack of confidence defeated him.

While this is a good place to start it doesn't quit measure up to being a core quality. I would add being fearless as part of that definition. Truly knowing yourself and your abilities, and being able and willing to push beyond the boundaries.

There are parts of our subconscious that are full of confidence. That part of us knows that we can handle any life issue that comes our way. That part is more than willing to share their strength in confidence if we would allow it. As we grow more confident in ourselves, we see the world and our life issues in different light.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was afraid, in disbelief, and in denial. Tapping into the parts of me that are confident I was able to overcome the fear and make the decisions necessary for my treatment. The more I allowed myself to feel confident in my decisions the better I felt about what was going on with my treatment.  

Integral Deep Listening Core Qualities

We all have the six core qualities that I will be discussing in more detail in following blogs. In each situation that we face those qualities come into play, and they may be at different levels depending on how we feel about the given situation.

Integral Deep Listening explores how our subconscious perceives itself according to these six qualities. It also explores how we would act differently if we scored high in all these areas. It also helps us discover new ways of resolving current life issues. Please see my post for an in depth explanation of IDL: What is Dream Yoga?.

The six core qualities that I will explain over the next postings are:

• confidence
• compassion
• wisdom
• acceptance
• inner peace
• witnessing

Integral Deep Listening works well for everyone, it even works while undergoing chemotherapy and the chemo fog that comes with it.

The New Normal. What does that mean?

Just what does the phrase “new normal” mean? It means that whatever had been the status quo before cancer is not going to be the same after cancer. So that's a very basic definition, yet that doesn't really convey exactly what it means.

I have found that the recovery period was not so much for getting over the disease itself, more for the recovery from the treatment process. I am still learning to live with some side effects from chemo therapy and radiation therapy. Hopefully these will clear up shortly, a couple may take longer. These are part of what my new normal is now. Yet these aren't the only things that have changed.

When I first started this last journey with cancer I had in mind of going back to work when I was done with treatment and could think little clearer. After going through the treatments and all the changes that brought on, I now know that working a regular job is not for me. I am putting myself totally into what I have wanted to do. I am writing, I am promoting myself and my business, I am doing exactly what I want.

I am not the only person to get to the other side of treatment to realize that life is to short to live like others expect. Now is the time to do exactly what you are passionate about. I had been taking care of myself, and being selfish during treatment, just because I am done with treatment doesn't mean I have to stop taking care of myself. The same goes for everyone who has dealt with any serious illness. Even though you are past the illness itself doesn't mean you have to stop taking care of you.

This is where keeping the lines of communication open is a big step to getting the support that you need. My book, I've Got What, helps you to open those lines of communication with yourself and those who care about you.

An Open Letter to My Readers

Dear Readers,

I want to apologize for the length of time between my posts. Life got in the way of what I wanted to do. Because of this I have spent the last three years rearranging my life and my priorities. Part of what happened is a move and a diagnosis of breast cancer. It is the latter of the two that has prompted me to get my life into focus and do that which I want to do, and not those things that others would have me do.

I have gotten even more serious about writing  It is something that I have always enjoyed and wanted to do with the aim of becoming a published author. Part of that goal was to actually reach the goal set for National Novel Writing Month, which I have been participating in for the last eight years. I finally reached the 50,000 word goal in 2012. Part of being a winner for this group is that one of the sponsors will print five paperback copies of your book. I have my five copies of my first finished book. When I am finished editing it, it will be up for sale at Lean Pub, you can follow the link to at least see the cover of the book and sign up to be notified when it is published.

I do have book that is already for sale. It is partly about my experience with cancer and a workbook designed to help cancer patients and their caregivers open up the lines of communication that can close after hearing that you've got cancer. The book is entitled I've Got What?!? Asking for the Help You Need. When you go to this page you will be able to read the first chapter.

I still have a presence on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and now at National Association of Professional Women. If you are not already following me on these sites please take a moment to do so.

Because I like to write I am going to do my best at posting in this blog at least once a week. In the past I worried about what everyone thought, if I was going to offend or upset any of my readers. Not so much anymore, that doesn't men I'm going to go out of my way to offend everyone, I'm just not going to worry if I've offended anyone. I'm also going to put some of myself into my postings, something I hadn't really done in this one before. What I'm attempting to say is that I'm going to be more authentic in this blog than I was before.

I do hope that you will continue to follow my writings, and encourage others to read what I am writing. Thank you for being so patient with me.

Palm Tree of Despair

I found the interview with the cancer I had very interesting, and freeing. Even though the concerns I had were in a way concerns of the cancer, they were seen from a different perspective. Giving me the freedom to be me.

1) What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?

1)  Growing a business

2)  Being able to meet my own expectations I have set for myself

3)  Paying for my portion of the bills

2) The cancer or disease I have or had is…. 

A) Cervical Cancer

3) What feelings come up when you think about the cancer or disease?

A) Disappointment

4) If that feeling or feelings had a color, what color would it be?

A) Grey

5)  Imagine that color filling the space in front of you so that it has depth, height, width, and aliveness.  

Now watch that color swirl, congeal, and condense into a shape. Don’t make it take a shape, just watch it and say the first thing that you see or that comes to your mind: An animal? Object? Plant? What? 

A) Palm tree

Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor?  It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are the _____ and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind.  If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering - that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!

6) (Character,) would you please tell me what you look like and what you are doing?

A) I am tall and slender with a few palm fronds on the top, I’m swaying in the breeze

7) (Character,) What do you like most about yourself? What are your strengths?

A) I am tall and I move to the breeze

8) (Character,) What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses?  What are they?

A) That I am tall and very thin and I could be easily blown over if the wind was strong enough

9) (Character), you are in this person’s life experience, correct?  They created you, right?_____  (Character), what aspect of this person do you represent or most closely personify?

A)  Yes, yes, despair

10) (Character,) if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change?  If so, how?

A) no

(Continue, answering as the transformed object, if it chose to change.)

11) (Character), how would you score yourself 0-10, in confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, peace of mind, and witnessing?  Why?

Confidence: 4, because I can be blown over

Compassion: 5, I know what it’s like to be swayed easily, yet it’s too easy to forget about taking care of my own needs

Wisdom: 10, I know what I know and I practice what I’ve learned through life

Acceptance: 7, there are parts of my self that I’m not proud of

Inner Peace: 3, There are times when I am very sad about where I’m at in life and what it is that I am doing

Witnessing: 2, I get involved with life to easily, I can’t seem to keep my nose out of other peoples business, and I’m not really helping at all

12) (Character,) if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different?  If so, how?

A) Yes, I would be stronger, and would be able to use my height as way of watching the world go by.

13) (Character How would ______’s life be different if  he/she naturally scored like you do in all six of these qualities all the time?

A) she wouldn’t be so worried about what goes on around her and what others think about what she says or does, those that approve will stick around, those that don’t like it will drop away, and she will be better for letting them drop away

14) (Character If you could live ______’s life for him/her, how would you live it differently?

A) I would be bolder and stronger, and fearless

15) (Character,) If you could live  ______’s waking life for him/her today, would you handle  ______'s three life issues differently?  If so, how?

A) They wouldn’t be issues because she wouldn’t be worrying about these things, she would know that life will support her

16) (Character,) What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of  ______'s life?

1) Writing for fun as well as for business, I wouldn’t worry about it but I would be mindful of them

2) Networking more because that is how she will meet the people that can help her the most

3)  Finding more places to run workshops and seminars

17) (Character,) In what life situations would it be most beneficial for ____ to imagine that  ______ is you and act as you would? 

A) When she gets fearful about what others think, and that writing is like giving birth, it can be painful yet it is beautiful  

18) (Character,) do you do drama?  If not, why not?

A) No, it’s not worth the trouble because it always blows up in your face

19) (Character,) What is your secret for staying out of drama?

A)  By taking a step back and looking at the person or situation from more than one side or angle, when you have a better perspective of a problem the answer becomes clearer even if that answer is to just stand back and do nothing

20) (Character,) Why do you think that you are in ______’s life? 

A) To remind her to stand tall for her ideas and convictions

21) (Character,) How is  ______ most likely to ignore what you are saying to them?

A) By thinking of herself as being small and unimportant, everyone is important and what they say and do is important

22) (Character,) What would you recommend that they do about that?

A) Take a deep breath, say I am Important and I do matter

23) (Dreamer,) What have you heard yourself say?

A) That I am important, that I do matter, and that what I say or do will get rid of the chaff and keep the wheat. I will keep the people that understand me and want my help

24) (Dreamer,) If this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?

A)  Quit sniveling, be strong and tall, and stand your ground

A White Dove to take worries and illness away

Using Integral Deep Listening techniques a disease or physical symptom can be interviewed to find out what that symptom has to say for itself. In this interview a basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer) went from a pink jelly bean to a white dove. The dove had a few things to say about healing the skin cancer.

Interviewing a Physical Symptom

What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?

A) Health, making time for what I need to do, advertising my business

Choose any physical symptom.  How does it make you feel?

A) Cancer on chin, frustrated

If that feeling had a color, what color would it be?

A) Pink

 Imagine that color filling the space in front of you so that it has depth, height, width, and aliveness.  

Now watch that color swirl, congeal, and condense into a shape. Don’t make it take a shape, just watch it and say the first thing that you see or that comes to your mind: An animal? Object? Plant? What? 

A) Jelly bean

Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor?  It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are the _____ and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind.  If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering - that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!

Would you please tell me what you look like and what you are doing?

A) I’m a pink jelly bean, I’m small and just hanging out

What do you like most about yourself in this experience? What are your strengths?

A) That I’m small, that I’m always around

What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses?  What are they?

A) That I cause harm, that I don’t go away easily

 (Character), you are in this person’s dream or life experience, correct?  They created you, right?

A) Yes, yes

(Character), what aspect of this person do you represent or most closely personify?

A) Her grief

(Character,) if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change?  If so, how?

A) Yes, I would become a white dove

(Character), how would you score yourself 0-10, in

Confidence, A) 8, sometimes I can’t fly in the wind

Compassion, A) 7, sometimes I care more about myself than others

Wisdom, A) 3, I am still young, I’ve learned a lot and haven’t had the experiences in life to make them my own

 Acceptance, A) 7, I don’t always accept my short comings or that of the others (what do you mean by others?) people and illnesses

Peace of mind, A) 3, I think too much about what is going on around me

And witnessing?  (And why?)A) 4, I get caught up in what is going on around me

(Character,) if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different?  If so, how?

A) Yes, I would be able to fly away and take any illness with me, I wouldn’t hurt anyone anymore

How would this person’s life be different if he/she naturally scored high in all six of these qualities all the time?

A) She wouldn’t worry about anything, she wouldn’t have any serious illnesses, she would be happier, and she would do all that she truly wanted to do

If you could live this person’s waking life for him/her, how would you live it differently?

A) I would live without fear

If you could live this person’s waking life for him/her today, would you handle his/her three life issues differently?  If so, how?

A)yes, these life issues aren’t the ones she needs to think about, she will get what she needs including time to do what she wants to do

What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of his/her life?

A) letting her fears fly free, and letting them go where they will because they won’t return

In what life situations would it be most beneficial for this person to imagine that they are you and act as you would? 

A) Whenever she feels tied down with worry

Why do you think that you are in this person’s life experience (or dream)? 

A) Because she is worrying that her cancer isn’t healing even though she is doing what will heal the cancer sore

How is this person most likely to ignore what you are saying to them?

A) By forgetting that she has wings

(What can she do to remember to be like you?) To hang a bird in her room, carry a feather around with her

(Dreamer,) what have you heard yourself say?

A) That I need to stop worrying about healing, that I’m doing the right things to get better

(Dreamer,) if this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?

A) To keep doing what I’ve been doing

Integral Deep Listening Interview

What follows is an interview in Integral Deep Listening. It shows how our subconscious mind is sending messages to us, this is a great way to find out what it is trying to tell us. Not only can dreams be interviewed, also physical symptoms, and life issues themselves.

Interviewing a Dream

What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?

1) Rejection

2) Graduation

3) Business

Tell me a dream you remember.  It can be an old one, a repetitive dream, a nightmare, or one that you sure you understand. 

A) My husband and I are shopping in Mexico. In a shop I find a wooden butterfly, it has iridescent, shiny colors. Unfortunately we can’t afford to buy it. A few years later we are at a gas station that is run by the son of the woman who had made the butterfly. The son has a beautiful blue, sparkly blanket that his mother had made. We go outside next to the gas station to take a picture of the blanket, the son, and me. His mother made the blanket for him to give to me if I ever found him; the son didn’t want to give it to me though. His father told him that is what his mother wanted. He gave the blanket to me.

Why do you think that you had this dream?

A) Not to wait to have the beautiful things in life.

If it were playing at a theater, what name would be on the marquee? 

A) Butterfly Dreams

These are the characters in the dream…

A) My husband, me, the wooden butterfly, the son, his father, the mother, the blanket, the gas station, camera

If one character had something especially important to tell you, which would it be?

A) The wooden butterfly

Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor?  It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are the _____ and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind.  If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering - that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!

 (Now proceed to interview the character using the steps of the Interviewing process, starting with the question, 

“Would you please tell me what you look like and what you are doing?

A) I am made of wooden slats that are beautifully painted with iridescent and shiny paints in a large variety of colors. Because I’m made of slats I can move quite easily.

What do you like most about yourself in this experience? What are your strengths?

A) That I can move easily and that I am very colorful. That I can move when I need to.

What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses?  What are they?

A) That she didn’t pick me up when she had the chance. No weaknesses.

(Character), what aspect of this person do you represent or most closely personify?

A) Her inner beauty and outer strength.

(Character), you are in this person’s dream or life experience, correct?  They created you, right?

A) Yes, yes

 (Character,) if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change?  If so, how?

A) no

(Continue, answering as the transformed object, if it chose to change.)

(Character), how would you score yourself 0-10, in

 Confidence, A) 10

Compassion, A) 10

Wisdom, A) 10

Acceptance, A) 10

 Peace of mind, A) 10

and witnessing? A) 10 

(And why?)

(Character,) if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different?  If so, how?

A) I have already scored 10 in all of them because I have been a part of hr from the beginning.

How would this person’s life be different if he/she naturally scored high in all six of these qualities all the time?

A) She would have more confidence in every part of her life. She would see her own beauty shining out for all to see.

If you could live this person’s waking life for him/her, how would you live it differently?

A) I wouldn’t be afraid to do anything/ I would be out there where everyone could see me.

If you could live this person’s waking life for him/her today, would you handle his/her three life issues differently?  If so, how?

A) Those would not be issues for me. Everyone who meets me would be able to see that I only want to be of service to them when they are ready for my help.

What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of his/her life?

A) Putting into practice what she has learned, becoming wiser because of it.

In what life situations would it be most beneficial for this person to imagine that they are you and act as you would? 

A) Whenever she is talking to people, whether in person, on the phone, or on the internet.

Why do you think that you are in this person’s life experience (or dream)? 

A) She has forgotten how beautiful she truly is.

How is this person most likely to ignore what you are saying to them?

A) Because she doesn’t see her own inner beauty

(Dreamer,) what have you heard yourself say?

A) That I am beautiful, that those who meet me will know that I want to be of service and will ask when they are ready, and to quit sweating the small stuff.

(Dreamer,) if this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?

A) To quite worrying about what life will bring me