Core Quality: Witnessing

Is witnessing just watching? According to Dictionary.com this is how they define witnessing:

verb (used with object)

1.
to see, hear, or know by personal presence and perception: to witness an accident.

2.
to be present at (an occurrence) as a formal witness, spectator, bystander, etc.: She witnessed our wedding.

3.
to bear witness to; testify to; give or afford evidence of.

4.
to attest by one's signature: He witnessed her will.

verb (used without object)

5.
to bear witness; testify; give or afford evidence.

As a Core Quality it is more than just this definition. It is watching what is happening all around you all the time. Watching without becoming involved either physically or emotionally. Once we become involved in any way we become a part of what is going on around us. There are times when our interference is not needed nor appreciated. Being able to just see what is happening is enough.

There are part of our subconscious that now exactly hot to witness without any judgments or emotional ties to what we are witnessing. It is from these parts of ourselves that we can learn how to be a witness without changing the scene that we are witnessing.

Core Quality: Acceptance

What is acceptance? This is how it is defined in Dictionary.com:

1. the act of taking or receiving something offered.

2. favorable reception; approval; favor.

3. the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.

4. the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.

As a core quality this is only the surface of what it means. Sometimes acceptance means acknowledging something that we don't necessarily agree with, it's a fact that we have to accept. We don't have to agree with it, like it, or even support it, we just have to accept it for what it is. I like to use the analogy of the rising of the sun. I am not a morning person and the sun always rises way to early for me, I don't like it yet I have to accept that it will rise in it's appointed time. I can't change it either.

Some believe that acceptance means that we agree with someone or something. That is not the case. To accept something means that we accept that it is there or that it is what someone believes to be true. We don't have to agree with someone just to accept their opinion on something. We don't even have to like what we are being asked to accept. We just have to accept it.

There are parts of our subconscious that understand what it means to accept what is around us and are willing to share their insights on how to be more accepting.

Core Quality: Compassion

In this post I will go over the core quality compassion. What does compassion mean? Who are we to have compassion for?

From Dictionay.com:

a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

This is a place to start. For it to be a core quality compassion should be shown not only to those who are suffering yet also to ourselves. Not just in times of sadness, also any time that we interact with anyone for any reason. We can feel compassion towards everyone without having to interact as well. We especially need to remember to have compassion for ourselves.

It is compassion towards ourselves that we have the hardest time doing. Yet this is exactly what we need to do. When we are able to show compassion to ourselves we are better able to show compassion to others. There are parts of us that know exactly how to be compassionate. It is with Integral Deep Listening that we can connect with that part of ourselves and hear what we need to know on being compassionate.

The New Normal. What does that mean?

Just what does the phrase “new normal” mean? It means that whatever had been the status quo before cancer is not going to be the same after cancer. So that's a very basic definition, yet that doesn't really convey exactly what it means.

I have found that the recovery period was not so much for getting over the disease itself, more for the recovery from the treatment process. I am still learning to live with some side effects from chemo therapy and radiation therapy. Hopefully these will clear up shortly, a couple may take longer. These are part of what my new normal is now. Yet these aren't the only things that have changed.

When I first started this last journey with cancer I had in mind of going back to work when I was done with treatment and could think little clearer. After going through the treatments and all the changes that brought on, I now know that working a regular job is not for me. I am putting myself totally into what I have wanted to do. I am writing, I am promoting myself and my business, I am doing exactly what I want.

I am not the only person to get to the other side of treatment to realize that life is to short to live like others expect. Now is the time to do exactly what you are passionate about. I had been taking care of myself, and being selfish during treatment, just because I am done with treatment doesn't mean I have to stop taking care of myself. The same goes for everyone who has dealt with any serious illness. Even though you are past the illness itself doesn't mean you have to stop taking care of you.

This is where keeping the lines of communication open is a big step to getting the support that you need. My book, I've Got What, helps you to open those lines of communication with yourself and those who care about you.

Video Games and Healing

Using our imagination to “think” ourselves healthy is a good thing. The only problem is that most adults have a very limited imagination. This is usually because we spend our time with the day to day necessities of life. We have forgotten how to play.

When I watch a child play they are in their own little world. They make up the rules for their play as they go along. They are in control of what happens in their world. Even when faced with a debilitating illness they find a way to play. With encouragement they even use their imagination to be the hero in their own fight to beat their illness.

After being diagnosed with cancer I wanted to do more than just follow doctors orders. I wanted to be at the center of making myself healthy once again. I remembered an old article that I had read many years ago about children that were encouraged to see themselves and their own immune system as heroes. These heroes then would do battle with the disease. The study recognized that the children who had been encouraged to become the heroes in their recovery were quicker to recover than those children who had not been encouraged to be their own heroes.

Knowing that my own thought processes and imagination were hampered by the chemo therapy I decided to use video games to boost my imagination. I found a game where I could create my own character, and become the hero of the game. For every villain, bandit, necromancer, vampire, werewolf, and dragon that I killed it was one more cancer cell that died never to return. I believe that between the chemo therapy and the video game I was able to beat cancer.

In my play through while under going treatment my character is a nord with a two-handed battle ax. This character is now strong enough to knock the legs out from under the opponent before striking them on the head for the death blow. The name of my character is a German word for death.

Video games can be a waste of time, especially if playing them comes before everything else that needs to be done. Yet, when you can't go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything, they are a great escape. When you use it as a supplement to your imagination to beat an illness, no matter what it is, they are a very good thing indeed. The video games help to focus the attention thereby keeping the imagination engaged.

An Open Letter to My Readers

Dear Readers,

I want to apologize for the length of time between my posts. Life got in the way of what I wanted to do. Because of this I have spent the last three years rearranging my life and my priorities. Part of what happened is a move and a diagnosis of breast cancer. It is the latter of the two that has prompted me to get my life into focus and do that which I want to do, and not those things that others would have me do.

I have gotten even more serious about writing  It is something that I have always enjoyed and wanted to do with the aim of becoming a published author. Part of that goal was to actually reach the goal set for National Novel Writing Month, which I have been participating in for the last eight years. I finally reached the 50,000 word goal in 2012. Part of being a winner for this group is that one of the sponsors will print five paperback copies of your book. I have my five copies of my first finished book. When I am finished editing it, it will be up for sale at Lean Pub, you can follow the link to at least see the cover of the book and sign up to be notified when it is published.

I do have book that is already for sale. It is partly about my experience with cancer and a workbook designed to help cancer patients and their caregivers open up the lines of communication that can close after hearing that you've got cancer. The book is entitled I've Got What?!? Asking for the Help You Need. When you go to this page you will be able to read the first chapter.

I still have a presence on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and now at National Association of Professional Women. If you are not already following me on these sites please take a moment to do so.

Because I like to write I am going to do my best at posting in this blog at least once a week. In the past I worried about what everyone thought, if I was going to offend or upset any of my readers. Not so much anymore, that doesn't men I'm going to go out of my way to offend everyone, I'm just not going to worry if I've offended anyone. I'm also going to put some of myself into my postings, something I hadn't really done in this one before. What I'm attempting to say is that I'm going to be more authentic in this blog than I was before.

I do hope that you will continue to follow my writings, and encourage others to read what I am writing. Thank you for being so patient with me.

Spirituality and Cancer

When diagnosed with cancer one can begin to loose faith. It can be difficult to believe that there is a higher power that loves us when we a struck with any serious illness. Yet it is our connection with our spiritual life that helps us through the illness and the treatments. It is our belief system that keeps us grounded and able to handle anything that comes our way.

Being angry and denouncing our beliefs is a natural response to any life threatening illness. Staying angry though isolates us and then we define ourselves as the illness that we have. When we get past the anger and forgive ourselves, we find that our spiritual connection is more than a connection between us and our higher power.

Immersing ourselves in our spiritual beliefs is more than a connection to a higher power. There is also the community of people that hold the same beliefs. When that community is there supporting us, we feel better about ourselves and our illness. It also helps us through all the treatments, it also has a positive effect on our healing. It doesn't matter whether the illness is cured, in remission, or the prognosis is that there is only a short time to live, our beliefs help us to have the state of mind of love and compassion. We are then better able to face what the disease brings us, and our loved ones have a support group that will help them through the disease as well.

Even if your beliefs change, there is still the advantage of a community. You may even find that your spirituality becomes stronger. Doctors will treat the body, your beliefs will calm the mind. Positive thoughts especially when there is an illness helps keep the disease from taking over your life. Being involved in your spiritual community takes the mind off the illness and the treatments.

A White Dove to take worries and illness away

Using Integral Deep Listening techniques a disease or physical symptom can be interviewed to find out what that symptom has to say for itself. In this interview a basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer) went from a pink jelly bean to a white dove. The dove had a few things to say about healing the skin cancer.

Interviewing a Physical Symptom

What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?

A) Health, making time for what I need to do, advertising my business

Choose any physical symptom.  How does it make you feel?

A) Cancer on chin, frustrated

If that feeling had a color, what color would it be?

A) Pink

 Imagine that color filling the space in front of you so that it has depth, height, width, and aliveness.  

Now watch that color swirl, congeal, and condense into a shape. Don’t make it take a shape, just watch it and say the first thing that you see or that comes to your mind: An animal? Object? Plant? What? 

A) Jelly bean

Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor?  It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are the _____ and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind.  If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering - that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!

Would you please tell me what you look like and what you are doing?

A) I’m a pink jelly bean, I’m small and just hanging out

What do you like most about yourself in this experience? What are your strengths?

A) That I’m small, that I’m always around

What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses?  What are they?

A) That I cause harm, that I don’t go away easily

 (Character), you are in this person’s dream or life experience, correct?  They created you, right?

A) Yes, yes

(Character), what aspect of this person do you represent or most closely personify?

A) Her grief

(Character,) if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change?  If so, how?

A) Yes, I would become a white dove

(Character), how would you score yourself 0-10, in

Confidence, A) 8, sometimes I can’t fly in the wind

Compassion, A) 7, sometimes I care more about myself than others

Wisdom, A) 3, I am still young, I’ve learned a lot and haven’t had the experiences in life to make them my own

 Acceptance, A) 7, I don’t always accept my short comings or that of the others (what do you mean by others?) people and illnesses

Peace of mind, A) 3, I think too much about what is going on around me

And witnessing?  (And why?)A) 4, I get caught up in what is going on around me

(Character,) if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different?  If so, how?

A) Yes, I would be able to fly away and take any illness with me, I wouldn’t hurt anyone anymore

How would this person’s life be different if he/she naturally scored high in all six of these qualities all the time?

A) She wouldn’t worry about anything, she wouldn’t have any serious illnesses, she would be happier, and she would do all that she truly wanted to do

If you could live this person’s waking life for him/her, how would you live it differently?

A) I would live without fear

If you could live this person’s waking life for him/her today, would you handle his/her three life issues differently?  If so, how?

A)yes, these life issues aren’t the ones she needs to think about, she will get what she needs including time to do what she wants to do

What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of his/her life?

A) letting her fears fly free, and letting them go where they will because they won’t return

In what life situations would it be most beneficial for this person to imagine that they are you and act as you would? 

A) Whenever she feels tied down with worry

Why do you think that you are in this person’s life experience (or dream)? 

A) Because she is worrying that her cancer isn’t healing even though she is doing what will heal the cancer sore

How is this person most likely to ignore what you are saying to them?

A) By forgetting that she has wings

(What can she do to remember to be like you?) To hang a bird in her room, carry a feather around with her

(Dreamer,) what have you heard yourself say?

A) That I need to stop worrying about healing, that I’m doing the right things to get better

(Dreamer,) if this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?

A) To keep doing what I’ve been doing